Monday, June 9, 2008
Our oldest (17 years) son, Kyle, has recently lost his (first) love of the last three-year (on and off again) relationship and has dealt with issues of abandonment/depression from my parents when he was just seven as well. Also, he has had to endure verbal/mental abuse from his alcoholic father all-the-while growing up. I did separate from my husband back in '98 for nearly a year because of the abuse, but due to his effort to get help I reconciled. However, he slipped back into routine less than a year later and because of other unhealthy circumstances (poor health/medical issues/death of grandparents) caused me to stay in the relationship - and I have been dedicated since. Not to say, their father is not a loving dad - I will say he will go over and beyond to make sure that the kids are taken care of financially. When he's not under the influence he's an extremely loving and thoughtful person with a kind heart - I truly mean this, but because of what he endured as a child and beyond has left him paralyzed with fear and guilt; he then feeds his pain with what he's conditioned himself with for many many years and the alcohol consumes him entirely and therefore leads us to Kyles pain.
This is what Kyle wrote to his father only a few days ago...
(His dad is extremely poetic and has also used this type of genre to release his feelings)
The love in this family is so f*cked up,
If you feel pain, you gotta get it sucked up.
You said I haven't loved you for about 5 years,
Well how the f*ck can I, you only care for your beers.
You stayed sober for awhile before,
Too bad it was only until you opened the shop door.
You drink every night to cover your own depression,
While I try to come up with ways to show my affection.
I do what I'm told,
You never need to scold.
Ya I f*ck up,
But that sh*t's so old.
I drink casually to relax with my friends,
You drink by yourself and it never ever ends.
When you drink like that, you're a whole different person,
You try to bring everyone down to your f*cked up version.
I know I sneak out,
But I aint done nothing wrong.
So what if me and my friends rip a couple hits off the bong?
You need to just let me go,
That's something hard for you, I know.
"You're the kid I'm the adult" is what you love to say,
Go ahead and think like that while you drink by yourself all day.
If you want to push me away,
Keep doin what you're doin.
Of course it bothers me,
But I know what I'm persuin.
Of course I love you,
And you know I always will.
Just please stop bringin' me down,
So later in life we can chill~
P.S. This poem comes so close to Father's Day and hits right at the core- please pray that Kyle and his father will begin to mend what has been broken so that their relationship becomes a loving and cherised one. Also, please keep us all in prayer...our family is all going through some terrible pain and medical issues (especially Kyle, Keith and his father). For Kyle, Keith and dad - to be able to find comfort and peace and to know that all things shall pass. To have the desire and will to look at other means of help and support other than the destructing and negative resources that seem to consume them almost on a dialy basis.
Also, please pray that the other family members will continue to be strong and supportive.
Thank you much and God Bless~